Views: This is the gloomy picture of the Indian marriage life. Most of the women marry the strangers is called arranged marriages. Love marriage is still a taboo here. Usually the desire and wish of the women take back seat when the time of choosing the life partner. Family ,Caste ,Religion and Horoscope are the key player in the marriage market. True- Love marriages are happened . The honour killing also happened here because that unlucky couple chose their partner irrespective of the caste and religious consideration. Gay sex is legally and socially unacceptable. So the Gay people are also pushed into the natural marriage for the sake of the family pride. The life of an innocent woman is also spoiled here. Yes- Divorce is an option here . However, the emotionally exhausted partner sometimes lost the courage and turned into deep depression. Women are the most vulnerable than men . They may not get support from their own family also. A divorcee can spoil the marriage scope of the younger sisters and brothers. At last the highly frustrated woman decide to take her life . Dr.Priya Vedi is no more . Why she did not choose divorce ? Several people asked this question. The people from the outside can ask any question. They don't know how much pain and agony were experienced to her. If this is the condition of a doctor then what about the condition of the village woman? You may think several laws are here for the protection of the women. Dowry prevention act , Domestic Violence act, 498 A section of the Indian penal code ( Cruelty against the married woman). These all laws are give no relief to the needy woman. It is mostly beneficial for the quarrelling couples for revenge purpose. What is the possible solutions ? A time has come to do a family health audit in the country. It can do by the government with help of NGOs or other Voluntary Organisation . Family heath and welfare ministry ,National Women Commission can also do lot of initiatives for the married women who are desperately seeking help .National and Sate level women helping centres and counselling centres to be opened .The immediate help is to be provided to the identified vulnerable women by the Family health audit. The women activist can focus their energy by this direction .Thousands of Priya Vedis are eagerly waiting for a helping hand before taking their life. Making some dead laws and left the women for death is not the real duty of a responsible government. Anybody here to hear ?!
( 23 -April-2015).............................................................................
Staying shut in the closet: Why divorce wasn't option for Priya Vedi
- Vishakha Saxena, Hindustan Times, New Delhi |
- Updated: Apr 23, 2015 17:13 IST
Priya Vedi, the AIIMS doctor who allegedly committed suicide, with her husband Kamal Vedi. (Facebook Photo)
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People ask why Kamal married a woman or stayed married despite being unsure about his sexuality and why Priya chose to slash her wrists at a hotel in Delhi instead taking a divorce but the truth isn't that simple or easy.
What's worse is the bigger picture--which suggests that Priya and Kamal are probably one of many such couples in the country who spend their lives living lies. Truth be told, Indian society's stigmatic attitude towards sexuality, and marriage is not a big secret.
Case in point: Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code that criminalises sexual activities "against the order of nature", including homosexuality.
Effectively according to Section 377, it is against the law of nature to be a homosexual--a contention that activists and the LGBTQ communtity have actively protested against around the world.
"Section 377 pushes people deep into the closets of shame. It breeds contempt. Section 377 adds stigma to a community that is already battling with a stigmatised society," wrote LGBTQ activist Harrish Iyer (who has been quite vocal about his sexuality himself) after the news of Priya's suicide broke.
This unjust provision of law, however, is just a part of a larger problem. Majority of our society treats homosexuals worse than criminals. They are called names, termed 'sick' and treated as pariahs. Abuse and vitriol, especially for those who aren't coy about their sexuality, is not uncommon.
Further, in the tradition of arranged marriages, it often doesn't matter if one wants to marry someone else or get married at all. Bring in sexuality in this equation and one can only imagine what anyone struggling to identify their orientation goes through.
For many middle-class Indians, family pressure can get quite overwhelming. After a certain age it is expected of an individual to get married, "settle down" and start a family. In such cases, living life as whom they are and with whom they want is hardly option.
"By lying about your sexuality you are basically living a lie, and any lie will consume you personally," says Dr Rachna Singh, a psychologist at Gurgaon's Artemis Hospital.
According to Dr Singh, an individual in such a situation can react in two ways. "One can either internalise the problem which often leads to depression, anxiety and even diseases or they can externalise their feelings and have extreme violent episodes."
The final nail in the coffin is the stigma against divorce.
In her post, Priya wrote how despite her suspicions about Kamal and their almost non-existent sexual life, she "decided to help him to be as a wife". According to a report in the Indian Express, parents of both Priya and Kamal appeared to know about his sexuality and yet, everyone tried to make the marriage work.
The bitter pill is that our society tends to judge people and function conforming to rigid 'principles'. And as long as it remains so averse to acknowledging a person's individual right, it can only make more Priya and Kamal Vedis.
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